Oh Love that wilt not let me go

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.


O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
                                         George Matheson

This is my favorite Hymn
When this shows up on the screens at church,
If you are sitting near me, you will hear an audible, yet respectful
"Yesss!"
It brings me so much joy.
Every word is dripping with the Gospel.

 Matheson himself wrote of the composition:

Forgetting the Gospel

We need to hear the gospel.

Most christians think they know it inside and out.

Like the back of their hand

But we don't.

At least we don't live like it.

Derek Webb, on his House Show album tells a story

he says:

There’s a great quote by Martin Luther in the sixteenth century. He had a church that he was the pastor of and some came to him and said, “Pastor, why is it that week after week after week all you ever preach to us is the gospel?” – implying that “we’re ready to move on to something else. Certainly we know this by now.” Luther’s response was, “Well, because week after week you forget it, because week after week you walk in here looking like a people who don’t believe the gospel. And until you walk in looking like people who are truly liberated by the truth of the gospel, I’m going to continue to preach it to you.” And, until his dying day, he did.

I don't know how historically accurate that is,
and wouldn't know where to find that in a book
But the fact is we do forget
We forget that we have been bought with a price
We forget that we have been raised from the dead
We forget that we once were blind, and have received sight
That we once were lame, paralyzed and broken, but now we can walk
and it is only by His grace

And we need to be reminded of that.
We need to remember what we are saved from
and what has been done for us
We need to understand the depth of our sin
that every inch of us is depraved from the bottom to the top
It overtakes us and we don't even try to stop it sometimes
all of the time.

We need the Gospel preached to us on a regular basis
because we need to be reminded of the sacrifice
That blood was shed on our behalf
so that we could be made clean
washed white as snow
A debt was paid for us
a ransom for sin
We need to see the beauty of Propitiation
that Gods wrath towards our sin was quenched
by his son on  a cross

We need the Gospel because we need to know that we are not alone
that we have a Helper in the Holy Spirit
that he Lives and breaths in us and through us
and it is only through him that we live and breath
He directs our paths
He lights our way

I forget the gospel all the time
sometimes for long periods of time
We need to be reminded that even in that
he still holds us
We are still His
Adopted as sons and daughters

For the glory of God
and the good of His people

23 Months Gone

I know what you are thinking.
"You can't just disappear for almost 2 years and then come back like nothing happened."
Right, i know.
I have not been a good blogger, better yet i have not been a blogger at all for the past 23 months.
It is an atrocity that i am severely sorry for.

But i feel like i have learned a whole lot in these last 23 months that will make me better on this side of it.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, is that the saying?
That means all three of you that read this must really love me now.

I had toyed with the idea of starting fresh with a brand new blog, new URL, new everything.
But, i got to reading some of my old posts, and i think there are a few gems in there that are worth hanging on to.
Have you ever read something you wrote a long time ago, which at this point for me is everything, and said to yourself  "where in the world did that come from, who stole my keyboard and posted that gem.  I know i'm not smart enough to write that"
That happened to me.  I still can't find that keyboard thief, but the words are on my website, and has my name under them so i will take the credit for them if i must.

So a Recap of the past 23 months just to catch you up.
2012, or twentydozen as i affectionately referred to it
was...
well, it was "meh."
that's all you get.
Part of it was fun and had some bright spots but i was for the most part broke, and Jobless for the last 4 months.
2013 has been much better, the Lord has seen fit to bless me indeed. But i don't know that i would be aware of it without the pit that 2012 was.  I am more aware of the small things than i would have been if i would have floated through 2012 with no trouble
So now that you are caught up,
2014 is right around the corner.
Maybe i can let you in on more of the Journey

20-Dozen

I guess this is a yearly thing for me now.  After the first of the year reflecting on what has come my way. As it should be for most. These few days are like a new beginning to us all.  I started the 2011 with new friends and getting ready to go back to Mexico City.  Oh, how i miss that place, and those people.  Sometimes when i walk down the streets here in Texas, my mind takes me back to the streets of Mexico City, the sights, and sounds, i remember them vividly.  But the Lord shut the door there, and by his grace will i be able to return one day. As i look over the last year, i see it as a year of Trust.  Trusting that God has prepared a way for me, and even though it is hard, walking with him down that way.  I read the Pilgrims Progress recently, it is all about that.  If you haven't read that book, or it has been a really long time since you have read it, pick it up, read it again.  There is so much to glean from that story.  The Lord provided much for me this year, through 5 months of unemployment, things would come in just as i needed them.  A friend would have work for me to do, or someone would randomly hand me money.  I don't count those acts as random, but as the hand of God himself providing for his children.  The lord is gracious and merciful... I am thankful for the experiences i had this past year in twentye11even.  The lord has set his eyes toward me favorably, and i pray that i will continue to trust in him alone in 2012

The Death Gargle of a beaten foe.

Just as the Son of man was raised
the evil one was at his end
while his defeat hung on a tree
The beast began to wail

Evil thought itself victorious
as death overtook the King
Hanging Limp our celebration
death had been destroyed

Resurection 
temple's rebuilt after three days
the earth groaned with praise
as the foe began to gargle

Creativity Found

I have lost the creative spirit
It is as if it has been beaten
by day jobs and meetings,
with it's eyes swelled shut
and it's sitting on a bench in the corner
waiting to be cut.

 Maybe its been pushed down by oppression
Now its locked in depression
Praying and wishing
it could send me a message
through a man with a dream.

 Or maybe it's been locked away,
and it's screaming to be found,
 even though it is chained and bound,
 alone in the dark crying to be free
wishing it had skills like Houdini.
'cause it does not have the key

 Or maybe it's been sleeping
and today begins creeping
the daylight it needs
to awake and be seen
and the beauty seeps in
through the windows again
And now i begin to create and be free

FIve Years

Days like this slip by so quietly. It isn't that i have forgotten Him, I remember often. I had even planned to remember today, reminding myself that it was coming. And then it came, and i missed it.. In all this, The one thing i want today to remind me of, Is how Good God is, even in the midst of, or when remembering Tragedy.

This day in History.

Today is the day it happened.
To day is the day some years back, i came in to this world kicking and screaming.
It is my day of Depravity.
Thank God for Grace that i may live another.

Refreshing

For as the rain cometh down and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, and giveth seed to the sower and bread to the eater;so shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. Isaiah 55.10-11

The Word of God, will accomplish that which He pleases.
If the Word falls on man's ears, and it is ignored, It has accomplished its Purpose every bit as much as if and when a man hears and is drawn unto God and Repents. A man Rejecting God's word, is Success.. In fact it is expected that the word will fall on Deaf ears.

For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1st Corinthians 1.18

Realization

There is a moment when it all makes sense.
Sense that you have been chasing the wrong thing
Or chasing the right thing the wrong way.
You see that the way you thought you should be doing it
Isn't The Way (John 14:6)
Then it clicks
You realize that you have been trying to do it
That you have been trying to Take God's glory as your own
Trying to push yourself into places,
and hitting wall
after wall
after wall
Because That isn't the way God has for you.
But now your starting to see a glympse
and your prayers have changed a bit,
You aren't quite there yet,
but you are on the road to right thinking
which will produce a right heart
and actions.
No more walls to worry about
Because He breaks all barriers,
and plants your feet in the right
direction.

'MERICA

Singing patriotic Songs in church irritates me to no end.
I found out that our worship team picked "God bless America" to be sung yesterday morning.
I was fuming.
Before you say i should move to Canada or something crazy like that, hear me out.
We go to church to corporately Glorify the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
God bless America doesn't do that. Nor does any other patriotic song for that matter.
The focus of that song is America, not our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I am all for acknowledging troops and sacrifice,
but to give the Glory to anything but the One True God is sinful.
Our God created us so that we may Glorify him.
And He will receive his Glory.
I am thankful that God has provided this land for some people. It is solely and act of His grace that men would even consider fighting for something like this.
But that God and Country Christianity, i don't think is the way God intended it to be.

Fleeting.

I helped a man load a lawnmower into the back of his pick-up truck yesterday morning.
I have known this man....err
Been neighbors to this man my entire life,
since the day i was five.
I saw him struggling to get the mower up himself.
So i offered my aid
The whole time I was helping, he just kept saying...
"When your 90 years old, you just aren't as strong as you once were"

Oh Lord, Make me know my end and what is the Measure of my days
Let me know how fleeting i am. - Psalms 39:4

"9. Resolved to think much on all occasions of my own dying
and of the common circumstances which attend death." - Jonathan Edwards

Creativity Lost

I guess only time will make these entries better..
I think I used to have an artistic side.
Seeing beauty in the daily grind of life
Seeing Christ there.
But it seems Life over the past few years has decided to beat that out of me
I have trouble seeing beauty when everything around me looks to be worn down and covered with dust
But i rejoice that HE can make beautiful things out of the Dust.
I have had moments recently,
Tiny glimmers of sparkle and newness.
The way it used to feel before Life happened
It Refreshes my Soul
I long for the days of my youth again (yes, i do know i'm only 28)
The Lord is giving me moments of life amidst the daily grind.
Moments where i feel truly alive, and not just floating along
not just going through the motions.
I am content with where He has me
But i long to Truly Live again.
Hutch

When was the last time you felt alive?

It's time to come back to blogging

I miss the release and the creativity i feel when blogging often.. So I am going to be working on some thoughts to share.
My life be like...

week five

The past two weeks have been a bit of a blur, We had a mission team come in from Quitman Tx, to do some work in different cities in Mexico. It was great to see the impact missions has on people, there were people who have been on many missions trips, and some it was their first time. But no matter what, across the board, Missions is life changing. The team arrived with a little free time, so we took a day of tourism and went to the Aztec Pyramids not to far from the City. It never ceases to amaze what people will do in the name of religion. The grandeur and size of these things would make any man feel like he accomplished something, by building, much less making it to the top of one. All in the name of false god's. A bit of a history lesson, the Aztecs were worshipers of the Sun, and Had a large pyramid in place to the Sun god. But the plague broke out among the people, and was killing many of their people. No matter how hard they prayed to the Sun it the plague continued. They thought there must be a power greater than this. Which lead them to Death. They created and began worshiping the god of death, with a really long Aztec name that I can barely pronounce, much less spell. With this worship of death, the plague was over. The Aztec people soon built another pyramid to their new found protector. With an alter at the bottom of this for human sacrifice. The candidate would start a walk down, the avenida de los muertos, or avenue to the death, with a whole city screaming them on. He would walk what seems like 2 miles and lay his life down. If it was voluntary or not, I don't know, but I am sure there were lot's of heavy narcotics involved. Today this worship of death lives on. From that very vain is where the folks get the Santa Muerte. And now you know. 

week four

This week I was involved with our first mission team coming to work with us. It was an amazing experience, with new friendships made. I couldn't have asked for a better team to be the first to come down here. There were some folks that stretched and tested me, and some folks I instantly loved. But we were all here with the same purpose. We started off every morning with a devotion from the book of Philippians. Jonathan did some excellent exposition of the word of God. Then we were off to our daily task. We had one day of sightseeing, which means we go back to the dreaded pyramids. You have to see these things, even though I hate them with a passion, I am never disappointed by their size, and the story behind them. I made it to the top much easier than I did when we were here last july on our mission trip. I feel sorry for Jonathan and Ivonne having to go to these things every time someone comes to town. I will know that feeling soon enough I guess.   

week three

I heard a Bible College student in a sermon one time say these words. Remembrance is the key to faith. That phrase struck hard. In fact it became a staple saying in the college ministry. Remembering what God has done and provided for you in the past, gives you the strength to move on and trust His will with faith in the future. It is absolutely essential to a faith that moves mountains. To look at your recent History, as well as those in your generation that have a great story of faith. We have a history and a “goodly heritage” of saints who told of Calvary, and of martyrs who laid down their lives for the cause of Christ. We can remember their story as well, because the God they spoke of is the one who lives in you and I. And when we remember these things, these stories, we know that we are not alone. We look to Him and His Glory, through the Giants that have gone on before us.

The scripture says to seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you... Seek Christ first, then the language barrier will be broken, Seek Christ First, then the need will be filled, Seek Christ first, and everything else just fades into the background.

The Puritan Theologian, John Owen, writes of this in “The Glory of Christ”

“For what are all the things of this life? What is the good or evil of them in comparison to an interest in this transcendent glory? When we have due apprehensions of it; when our minds are possessed with thoughts of it; when our affections reach out after it's enjoyments, let pain and sickness, and sorrows, and fears, and dangers, and death say what they will, we shall be able to combat them and overcome them; and that on this consideration, that they are all outward, transitory and passing away, whereas our minds are fixed on those things which are eternal and filled with incomprehensible glory.”

“Crux nil sentit in nervo, dum animus est in coelo” (One does not feel the pain of the cross when his mind is on heavenly things)

“It is a woeful kind of life when men scramble for poor perishing reliefs in their distresses. The contemplation of Christ's glory is the remedy and cure, the only balsam for all our diseases.”

When things start going wrong, or your next step is unsure, Seek Christ First, Remembering what He has done in your life, and in the lives of those who have gone before, that it may renew your Faith for the coming Journey.

// The day to day stuff can get kind of boring to read about, At least I would think so, but it is up to you, so If you want more of the day to day details, Let me know about it, Of course you could always come see first hand what that is about.//

Hallelujah

Your glory rises from the earth

through the lips of the broken

and we scream Hallelujah.

You sent Your Son to live our life

so that we may live in him,

and we scream Hallelujah.

We are stillborn in our sins

And you make us new

and we scream Hallelujah.

You have put a new song in our heart

you have made it beat again

and we scream Hallelujah.

week two.

The pain I have from the missing tooth today, is minor compared to the toothache I have been dealing with. Relief is such a beautiful thing, no matter what kind of pain or struggle it is. From a miniscule toothache, to the big stuff. The things in life you don't want to deal with, praise God for relief. Relief for me came when I made a decision to do what I am doing now. I had lost a job a month or two before, and I didn't know what to do with myself. To me looking for a job is worse than getting a tooth pulled. Because I know no matter what it is, it will not b what I am looking for, or what I have been called to. I am specifically talking about the corporate world. After many interviews and applications, and much praying, I found relief. I found solace in the fact that my only option was to follow God and do something different than what I have been doing. I had struggled with the call to ministry, It hasn't always been so concrete that this is what I was supposed to do. Especially after knowing that call as a sophomore in high school, and then waiting, for 12 years, all the while standing outside that door waiting for the opportunity. It is hard to believe you are supposed to be doing something when you try and fail at it so many times. And you keep waiting for the door to open, because you know that God can open doors that no man can open, and shut doors that no man can shut. Trusting in His will and His time is a difficult thing, but when we trust in our own, or “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and put our nose to the grindstone” and any other get to work metaphore you can think of, we look at God and say, “I don't need you, I can do this myself.” I was so tired of doing that. It wasn't working for me. I couldn't pick myself high enough to do any good. Then comes relief, the rest in the knowledge that I didn't have to. I just need Jesus, that is all. I am not writing this as an excuse to be lazy. I am not writing this with the attitude that anyone who works in the corporate world is an idiot. I am writing this with the attitude that God is the Author and Finisher of our lives. He writes the story and he sees it through. And we, we just mess it up every once in a while when we get in the way.

week one

The city is surrounded by mountains, and everywhere you look they rise out of the concrete and brick buildings to let you know that God is still here. My favorite view so far, is from Jonathan's In-laws house. That is where we stayed the first two nights we were in town. They live on the north side of the city in one of the suburbs, but you really can't tell the difference between the suburb and the city, except for how far it is away from the center. Their house is on the side of one of the mountains, and in their living room there is a bay window that overlooks the rest of the city, the mountain is steep enough that the houses across the street are not blocking the view. You can see the whole city from this window, I have tried to take pictures on my phone, but it just becomes a blurry mess. Looking out over that view seeing the mass amounts of homes, I praise God that He has known some of them since the foundations of the Earth. And at the same time I am overwhelmed and under-confident as to why he has placed me in the middle of that. I know the reasons, but it just seems to me that He has the wrong guy. He could do better in my opinion, but He gave me the desire to go, and formed me into who I am for this time and this purpose.  (That sentence is more for me than you, but do with it what you will)