I fell away

did you see me falling down from heaven, trailing wings of melted wax? -bravesaintsaturn-

i picture myself like icarus.

strapping wings of wax to help me fly

frantically moving sunward

knowing it unattainable

but hoping i could soar

as blazing heat burns my skin

melts the wax i'm trusting in

sin sucks... especially when one is controlled by the desire. 
Don't get me wrong. 
My post yesterday ended with me talking about christianity and sin, but even as a true believer the urge controls you sometimes. 
It is all you can think about. 
Your body longs to be pleased, and you can't fight it by yourself. 
at least i cant. 
but when it comes down to it you don't want to talk to others about it because either 
a. you are afraid they won't know what you mean. 
2. you are too proud and think you can take on this elephant by yourself. 
or 9. you really don't want to stop. 
in my case i choose all three.. 
i know paul said he was the chiefest of sinners, 
but i believe i have got him beat.

the sound of Driscoll pounding the pulpit has been my escape lately.
His hard hitting in your face sermons is most often the best part of my day. in the most recent he was talking about being a preacher, and he said no one wanted to be a preacher when they were little.. 
but i distinctly remember thinking about that when i was really young.. 
not like 15, but like 7. 
yeah i am a freak... 
but now i want it more than ever. 
If preaching is what i want to do. i need to start moving on it.